Fayne Dae (A Kylo Ren Romance Fanfiction)
by Kezzlebezzle
Summary: I never asked to be born. Never asked to be hunted like an animal. But if there's one thing I regret the most, it's loving Kylo Ren. Because now I'm one of the last Jedi and I have to make an impossible choice. Surrender to his darkness or kill the only man I have ever loved.
1. Chapter 1

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She cannot sleep again. The silence. It has to be the silence. Too many nights lying in the shadows, hinging on every foreign sound - the yip of a wolf, or the hushed chattering. Wondering if at any moment, she will have to grab her bag and run. Once again. Away from the tyrannical First Order.

The silence. Crawling in, lurking around the bed, ready to spit out some unholy abomination.

And that dream from last night. Leia always says that they are just dreams. Just dreams, and that Fayne should not think about them. But Fayne knows better . . .

 _The night air is fresh and biting. Freezing the lips, chattering the hands, gliding like a serpent around the Princess's skin. There is no moon tonight. No light. Just a foreign darkness reaching out, lying high above. And it is perfect. No one must see this meeting. Not even Han Solo._

 _Princess Leia draws her blatser cautiously as she hears twigs crack. Years of hiding out, wearing a mask and ready to flee for her life at a moment's notice? That changes a person. It sets them on edge._

 _"It is I Princess."_

 _Leia relaxes her grip with a relieved sigh. Good. The mother has made it safely. Like a prayer answered._

 _Nadie Konrad is not a beautiful woman. Not even remotely pleasant. But as she draws closer, her face the only bare skin in the soft wind, Leia gasps and bites back her tongue. She looks like some sort of demon spawned from the womb of the devil. Her pale eyes are red with tears, the flesh on her face taut and tight over the tiny bones. Pools of shadow sit under her eyes and she walks as if upon a field of mines._

 _"Nadie, what is it? What's so urgent?"_

 _The tiny woman bites her cheek, her fierce eyes scanning the surroundings. "You came alone?"_

 _"Of course I did."_

 _And yet even those words of reassurance do not stop her - she is still trembling like a cornered mouse. She shifts her arm slightly, and a tiny brown face comes into view, resting under her cloak. A baby?_

 _"Nadie, what's . . ."_

 _"I don't have much time!" she cries, rushing forward. The tiny bundle is shoved into Leia's arms before she can react._

 _"Please take care of my baby. The First Order . . . they will stop at_ _ **nothing**_ _to stamp out the Jedi. They are a boil, a poison that is only beginning to take root. Soon, they will be unstoppable."_

 _Nadie Konrad pauses. Even in the dark, the little beads of liquid sorrow tumble freely from her eyes. This is more than a terrified woman. This is a broken soul._

 _"My father survived Order 66. Now they are coming for me. I will not . . . I_ _ **cannot**_ _let them take my daughter too! She is the last of her kind, except for your brother. And you must take her into your care before I . . ."_

 _A piercing yelp rips from her mouth and she stumbles back like a being possessed of fire. "I have stayed too long. They will be searching for me now! Take care of her, I beg you!"_

 _"I swear it." The Princess doesn't know what's happening. She doesn't know why. But if this woman's words are true, if she has risked her life just for a child, then the child cannot remain with her._

 _She turns to flee._

 _"At least tell me her name!" Leia whispers._

 _"Fayne Shryne. After my father, Jedi Knight Roan Shryne. Please my friend . . ."_

 _Her eyes burn with a thousand emotions. The tearful bitterness of fear, a plea written in the weeping of her soul. And then she is gone._


	2. Chapter 2 - Memories

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"Fayne! You must head on!" Elle shrieks. "Run and don't come back!"

The spindly woman attempts to push her friend on ahead. Into the foliage. They are so close. But Fayne Dae has heard this before. Too many bodies. Too many nights in a cold sweat, cursing her selfish existence for letting so many people die. Life is precious. Once lost, it is gone forever. So she grabs Elle and hauls her forward.

"You stick with me!" Fayne pleads. "Don't go getting all heroic! I need you!"

With shocking strength, the injured woman drags Fayne to a halt.

"Fayne, don't be a fool! Do you know what Kylo Ren will do if he finds you _again!"_

"Dammit!" Fayne hauls her best friend over her back like a sack of potatoes. A Jedi does not doubt. A Jedi does not wonder. The Force will handle the heavy lifting. If she is just willing to put in the effort. Both of them or nothing. Sometimes we do not choose to be strong. We fight because we must.

"Enough talking Elle!" she hisses as her legs pick up momentum.

Run Fayne. Run for Luke, the Master too long gone. Run for Leia, the mother she may never see again. Run for Kylo Ren - for _Ben,_ her Ben, the love she may have to lose. Run for life.

Her heart is as heavy as a rock. It physically feels like drowning. And Elle all she has.

Once upon a time, Fayne had of family. Leia, Han, Ben, Luke. They all took her in. It was like a proper little home . . . even if deep down, she knew that they were not her real family. So long ago . . .

 _Flashback_

 _" . . . and they all lived happily ever after . . ."_

 _"You're so beautiful," Ben interrupts. Always nice to see someone paying attention._

 _The green grass gently sways in the warm summer wind. Far up above, a corn blue sky races on as far as the eye can see. On Naboo, the sun is always purple in the evening. A sort of soft glowing lavender lantern. The light of the world._

 _Ben's head rests on Fayne's stomach, their hands entwined tightly. Everything is so painfully clear. Like a slap in the face. Look at what you had. And now it is all gone._

 _She loved these moments. Ben would take her away here for days at a time. Away from his parents Han and Leia, away from the heavy shadow cast by the First Order. Just them. Two souls with the same heart._

 _"Thank you dear," she sighs. She doesn't mind that he's not really paying attention. Sometimes he drifts in a place far away. But Fayne brings him back. Her love brings him home._

 _"Now where was I?" she recollects. "Ah yes, a happy ending . . ."_

 _His grip subconsciously tightens and she winces. "Damn! Sorry love. Never meant to hurt you . . ."_

 _"It's fine dear. It's fine." She rests her palm on his forehead. His flesh is soft and warm from a day spent dancing in the sun. He takes her palm and kisses it, again and again, holding it to his cheek like she could disappear at any moment._

 _"Fayne, you know that I love you . . ."_

 _She sits up, forcing her lover to raise his head. She knows that tone. It's the "There's-something-I-have-to-tell-you-but-you're-not-going-to-like-it" tone. He always uses it. When he has to do something strange._

 _"What?" she asks. If he hears the tremble in her voice, he does not show it._

 _He pauses . His entire essence seems to fix on her, his dark eyes searching the face of his beloved. She touches his hand._

 _"Tell me Ben."_

 _"I . . . I want to join the First Order."_

 _End of Flashback_

It did not stop her from marrying him. She was only 18, he was 19. It was a private ceremony, on Naboo. No one, not even his parents were told. It didn't stop her from loving him. His decision. She thought she could save him. But she was wrong. Her love wasn't enough. So she fled. And he has been searching relentlessly. For three long years.

Ben still became Kylo Ren. Still became the very monster that he swore that he wouldn't be. Dear Ben. This ache in her heart won't go away. It lingers in every waking breath and every sleepless night. Better if they had never met at all. So that this dying horror would never be hers to live.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Voice in the Dark

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The fire crackles softly, licking the wood as it casts a warm pool of gold over the soil. Endor. The Outer Rim. Where the Rebellion crushed the Empire. Where it was supposed to end.

But Fayne begins to see something. A truth that has eluded her since youth. Only now at the bottom of the pit, swimming in the ruins of her once beautiful life, does Fayne understand.

As long as she is standing, as long as anyone is standing - they must fight. It is the first and last law of life. Darkness is not a person to be executed, nor an object to be crushed. It exusts beyond that realm, inside the mind. And since she ran from Kylo Ren, 3 long years ago, the pull has grown stronger every day.

That voice. As she sits on a fallen branch, watching Elle sleep, she is the only open mind for miles. She feels exposed, naked in the dark. As if a hundred hungry faces skim her body.

The thirst is like a gaping hole in her head. Everything seems too close! The fire, the tall trees, the night sky. And then darkness takes her . . .

 _"I have waited so long for you Fayne Dae. Or should I say . . . Fayne_ _ **Konrad."**_

 _No no no! Not this again! Please not this again! Even in the blissful haven of sleep, her head has not forgotten. The last visit left her traumatised for days on end. Kylo Ren nearly found her, such was the state that she could barely move. The panic. The burning hunger, eating ravenously at her soul._

 _And the voice with no face, shrouded in shadow._

 _"I have no business with you," she snarls, clenching her fists. "Get out of my head." Her head, her rules. It's not a playground._

 _Then comes the laughter. Echoing from invisible walls, resonating like the screech of a thousand bats, like a knife slowly grating along a plate. It's mocking her. Look at the little human. Frail, pathetic. Let's play._

 _"Your real name_ _ **is**_ _Fayne Konrad, after your deceased mother Nadie Konrad, after her deceased father, Jedi Knight Shryne."_

 _Fayne stops as if some unseen hand has her throat in a deadlock. In a dream, the world is spinning. Look at what the First Order have done. Cut down men, women and children like wheat chaff. By their hundreds, then by their thousands, then by their millions. And if the secret is out, then it means that the First Order will turn their gaze, the gaze of an army 200 million strong, to little, lonely Fayne. The last female Jedi. The last hope. And her husband will be at the helm. She's feeling sick._

 _"O-only a coward hides in darkness," Fayne breathes. Her voice quivers slightly, but her heart stands resolute. There is a way out. And if she cannot see one, then will she have to make one._

 _"My appearance is your least concern child!" the voice taunts. It seems to be shifting now. Gliding like a serpent, moving closer . . . "I know you are afraid Fayne Konrad. How would it be . . . to_ _ **never**_ _afraid again? The galaxy at your feet! Released from your weakness! No fear for your husband, for your parents . . . or for your dear Elle sleeping by the fire . . ."_

 _He sees! The voice sees! He knows where they are, he knows what she's doing . . ._

 _"I'm not afraid." The words are half cried, half whispered._

 _"Deceit does not become you Fayne Konrad. Your mother was weak, pitiable. She died like a rat in the mouth of a beast. The power of Jedi Knight Shryne abandoned her. But it has not abandoned_ _ **you.**_ _You are more powerful than you dare to dream . . . You have one rotation. Make your choice. Join the First Order or die."_

 _"No!"_

 _"Yes. And to make it sink it, so that you fully comprehend the odds against you, I shall ensure that your husband's saber is the last thing you see . . ."_

She jolts awake with a cry that would rouse the dead. The fire, the soil, the trees. The silence. None of it seems real. But one thing is. She realises with a cold heart, that it is 24 hours to the turn of the tide. Twenty four hours to the point of no return.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Force

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She chose to resist. Maybe she is being over-confident. Maybe she should accept her limits, accept that victory is not in her grasp. Maybe she should submit.

But then she saw Elle. Elle is only 16 years old. She should be flirting with boys, and trying on the latest fashions and exploring the Universe with parents who love her. Not lying, shivering despite the fire and imprisoned in a world of foreseen horrors and heavy dreams. This is their fault. It is _his_ fault. The Supreme Leader. Snoke himself. It makes Fayne angry. She is not some mouse to be stepped upon. Nor a light to be put out when some power hungry bastard sees fit. She is Fayne. She is the last female Jedi.

The choice only took an hour. And it means a hard road. A long road to him. To Ben. But if she can save him, if she has to give her life for him, isn't it worth it? She would do it without thinking. The way you automatically raise a hand to protect your face. Without question. Without thought. Because that is what love is. Ben Solo is a good man. Even if he cannot see it now.

So it is time to fight back the only way she knows how. Find her friend, find Princess Leia - and help the Resistance to overcome Snoke. They are wlays moving of course, the First Order sees to that. But Fayne can get a message to them! She knows she can, if she can make it to Takadona.

They have been travelling toward a Trade Guild for the past few hours. There, Fayne prays that they can pay a pilot to take them to Takadona. And pray that the 50 million credits that Kylo Ren has placed on her does not get her noticed.

She thinks of their vows as she trudges heavily through the muddy water, a firm but gentle hand on Elle.

"I know your complexities are beyond my ken," she whispers. The forest was silent in response. "Your touch delights me, your love completes me." His eyes were holding hers, smiling. His fingers touching her wet cheeks. The night was full.

"I will always be honest with you," she continues softly, lost in memory. "In riches and in poverty, through the brightest sun, through the darkest night . . ." What a dark night is upon them now. They are light years apart.

"I, Fayne Dae, now bind myself to you, my beloved, Ben Solo forever and a day. I will love you with everything that I am and possess, until death parts us - I am yours."

Elle winces as she extends a ragged cloth to Fayne. The tearful mess of a woman accepts it with an appreciative nod. Not the heart to say a word. The soul bleeds through tears, until it has been bled dry and all that is left is to pick up the pieces and move on.

What must she look like? Dirty, smelly. Like some sort of big Ewok.

 _You're so beautiful . . ._ His voice echoes from the dusty chambers of her mind.

"And you my dear," Fayne sobs quietly. Beautiful heart, beautiful soul through and through."

"You can save him Fayne," Elle speaks. Through the morning light, Fayne can see her friend's dull eyes light up as if a thousand moons are shining through. Dear Elle. Always there. Always seeing. "Only you can Fayne. He loved you before the darkness took hold."

"I hope so my friend," Fayne manages to smile. "You have no idea how much I hope. Now let's move. We've almost there."

The forest begins to open up ahead. The air feels weighted. Heavy with the recent rain. The launch site lights up the dawn.

Tall spokes of glowing light, lively chatter, the bustle of life as hundreds of workers from Wookies to Gungans as they import wood and fuel from the forest. Little lights wiz up and down as a small army of droids assist in the mission. And there at the centre of the launch site, is a ship. A Class 3 Naboo cruiser to be exact. And it looks like it's almost ready to depart. Which is good news, because Elle is growing weaker.

Fayne had hoped that it was just a cut. A cut should have healed . . . with rest. But they have been running, fighting, fleeing. There has been little time for rest. And the veins around the cut are now pulsing and red, oozing thick green fluid through the bandages. So short on time. And Elle's beautiful porcelain skin is growing so pale.

Which means that Fayne has no choice. There is no time for negotiating. No time for explanations. It is time to utilise Master's Skywalker's training.

As they approach the Trade Master, a plump rounded Gungan at the foot of the ramp, several workers turn to look at the pair. They are practically the only humans present. Yet the beautiful Fayne is not watching them. _Mind in the moment little one, lest the future pass you by._

"Hey!" the Gungan exclaims. "I seen your face before . . ."

In that moment, the conduit opens. Thousands of memories, hundreds of lessons The Force is always there. A living, breathing energy. And as Fayne surrenders her heart to its will, a path lights up through the darkness. She is meant to go to Takadona. Something important must happen there.

"You do not know my face," she speaks. Her faith is evident in her voice, in her piercing eyes, in the firm set of her jaw, as she discreetly raises a hand.

"I do not know your face . . ." The ugly creature's eyes seem to sink into it's pasty face, dreaming.

"You will take us to Takadona immediately," she continues. _Do not be in doubt. Do not uproot in doubt what you planted in faith. Doubt leads to fear. Fear leads to darkness._

"I will take you both to Takadona immediately."

"You will tell no one. And you will provide us with medical provisions."

"I- I will tell no one. And I will provide you with medical provisions . . . follow me."

The pasty faced Gungan turns and gestures. Elle shoots her friend a beaming smile of approval as they board the cruiser.

A prickle along her spine. Like a gaze. Fayne removes her hood and turns. The forest gives nothing away. That spot, high up in the trees. No one is there now. But there was. She is certain of it. And they have been tracking her.


	5. Chapter 5 - Elle

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Here it is!

Have you ever been afraid? No, not the frustration, not a little comprehensive. Terrified. Lost. None.

People like Han and Leia, they wake up when they get afraid. Fear arms them with the fury they need to fight. But for some people, fear locks them down. Freezes them until they cannot move. Cannot think. At least not about anything but the suffering.

Elle is leaving. It is strange and disconcerting. You never know what someone is to you, until you see them leaving.

"Stay with me Elle!" Fayne pleads. Some sort of injection. It's meant to be some sort of anti-body solution. But it's not working! And dammit, Fayne does not want power. Does not want to be the last Jedi, so force-sensitive if she cannot _use_ it! Against this infection, the Force is powerless!

She slumps to the ground. Exhausted, head swimming, bile in her throat, lump stuck in her throat. A person must be grounded. There has to be something, someone there every waking moment - that reminds you of home. Without Elle, Fayne is a feather. A soft gust of wind can come and blow her away. Lost in time.

That leg wound . . . if it had just been a simple infection, the herbal salve would have handled it. However, luck is not on their side. And it wasn't just an infection. It was Harrowbane. And Harrowbane is deadly. Harrowbane is rare on Endor. Not that you would know it if you saw it. It's dark green leaves and sharp spindles are not out of character with the environment on Endor. And on an open wound . . .

"Fayne, it hurts . . ." Elle labours. Her pale stormy eyes seem to be floating far away in a feverous haze.

"I know dear," Fayne says, gently pressing her hand to Elle's clammy forehead. Cold. As cold as the grave.

"I'm going to die?"

She wants to lie. Oh goodness how she wants to lie. To spare her friend the fear, and the guilt, and the horror. No Elle! It's just a cut. And I'll take care of you and then you'll be ok. But they have a pact. _Tell me the truth,_ _ **especially**_ _if I don't want to hear it._

"It's Harrowbane Elle . . ."

"Ha!" The beautiful teenager manages to summon a silky laugh. That laugh is home. Home where no one got hurt, and no one was in pain every moment. A lost and forgotten place. "Just my luck. Things were just getting interesting. So inconvenient of me . . ."

Fayne manages to smile. Always manages to crack a joke. The slides to the ground with a heavy heart and tenderly rests Elle's drooping head on her lap. The two link hands, Fayne softly peppering Elle's sweaty fingers with kisses. Her friend. One last time. She will go somewhere where Fayne cannot follow. And that hurts.

"I'm scared Fayne," Elle sighs. "Harrowbane . . . it brings a painful end."

"Don't be scared my friend. Not now. I'm here. You're safe with me. Tell me about the field dear . . ."

Every night, before they sleep, they speak of that place. A safe place. A place safeguarded in hope and memory.

"There is a field," Elle breathes quietly. "Beyond space and time. Where the birds sing in the trees, and the grass is as gold as liquid sunlight and it's blowing in the summer air . . ."

"Close your eyes my friend," Fayne says softly, like a mother to a restless child. "Can you see it?"

Elle is so quiet. "Yes . . . see it . . ."

"Soon we will be there . . ." Fayne continues.

Elle's chest convulses. Her eyes widen as the panic sets in and she realises she cannot breathe. Only a few seconds as she musters the strength to say one final thing to her dearest companion.

"Together . . ." she cries. One last word. One last smile. One last life. Goodbye dear friend.

"Together always."

Elle is gone.


	6. Chapter 6 - Him

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 _Without further ado . . ._

"We are here."

Ah. Takadona. If only . . . if only Elle could be here. Do not slow down. She must now slow down.

Fayne is here for a purpose. And a purpose that must be realised. It must, otherwise Elle has died for nothing. And that is unacceptable.

"Thank you Trade Master." Her voice is icy, as icy as a winter storm on Hoth. How dare they do this to her! Manipulate her like a puppet on strings. Her bitter pain is msked by the seething fire of her anger. The First Order did this. If they had not been hunting Fayne on Endor, Elle would still be here. To share this moment of freedom. To live. As she deserved to.

But once Snoke is destroyed, it won't matter. She will find contentment when sweet justice has been served. And make no mistake, that is the end goal.

Fayne pulls down her hood, revealing masses of thick curly ringlets, a rich onyx black. They wil need to know it's her. That Fayne has come home. At last.

She pays the Trade Master promptly and watches as the cruiser departs Takadona. Time to bury Elle.

The body is still fresh. She has only been dead for a few hours. It feels like only moments ago when she was still here. And the horror is still alive. Within 20 minutes, it is done. Fayne doesn't cry. She has spent all her tears. Spent all her care. Now she feels empty and full at the same time. There are some pains that cannot be comprehended by the human mind. Only suffered, only waited out until the darkness is over.

Elle deserved so much more than a plot of dirt many miles away from home. But there at the centre of all this anguish, of all this agony that cannot be voiced, there is a little burning star. And it won't die out. It is hope. And it means the pain is worth suffering.

Fayne begins the long trek to Maz Kanata's castle. There, she hopes she can convince the kindly creature to get a message to Leia. To the Resistance.

And she is so close. The tall grey building with its long vibrant banners and the honeysuckle weaving in and out of the thick rocks . . . it's so close. Until she gets hit square in the face by a . . . . a girl? A Scavenger girl?

Quite short, lean with messy dark hair pinned back and cocoa eyes that dart about erratically.

"I'm so sorry . . ." Fayne starts.

The girl seizes her hand and yanks her back into the forest. Shooting like a laser bolt, to swift to react.

"Trust me, whoever you are, you do _not_ want to go back there!" the girl shrieks. Her other hand clutches a blaster, a finger locked to the trigger.

And then Fayne senses it. Stupid stupid girl! She was blind. Day dreaming. Bitter. And in her cries to the past, she withdrew from the present.

The booming sound of explosions rip through the forest. As Fayne looks up, hundreds of ships shred through the clear sky, shooting in the direction of the castle, red bolts shredding through the clear sky. And there at the centre, she senses him. Him. _Him. He's_ heading in their direction. Towards her. Towards Fayne. Her heart begins to race.

"I'm Rey!" the girl shouts over her shoulder, stopping to cut a massive heap of foliage from their path. "Who are you? You look familiar . . ."

Fayne's legs have started trembling buy she manages to stutter. "F-Fayne."

"What?!" Rey doesn't hesitate. As soon as the obstacle is moved, her iron grip is back, forcing Fayne to pick up the pace and run.

"Fayne Dae?! There's like 50 million credits on your head!"

"You have to leave me."

An aching desire, a flaming love, a whimpering fear. Will he find her? Will she seem him again?

"Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you," Rey pants. The pair finally stop, heaving deeply, dripping with perspiration. All around, the forest is surprisingly dense and the trees tower like leafy guardians above their small children.

"I've taken us deep in," Rey says. "Stay here and maybe, _maybe_ you can escape. I have to draw them off."

"Rey . . ." She won't make it. She cannot. Kylo Ren has been tracking since he was 3 years old. She'll get caught for sure. What does that mean for Fayne?! Does he even know that _she_ is here?

"Look Fayne Dae, just trust me," Rey hisses. "My BB8 unit is carrying something _immensely_ important. Something worth dying for. We've lost them for now but I spotted ground units. I have to draw their attention!"

Before Fayne can utter another word, the brave Scavenger has disappeared into the thick bushes, leaving Fayne with unspoken thanks and a new profound respect for this girl.

Keep moving. To stand still in a kill zone means death. The deeper the forest, the thicker the foliage. Perhaps she can hide more efficiently.

Seconds turn to minutes as she begins to sprint. And every minute drags into eternities, nothing but the sound of laboured breathing and foot fals in the leaf masses. Then a voice within tells her to look around. And she does. And she screams.

Kylo Ren is not even running. Why should he? She is slowing down. He does not need to. She is slowing down, almost toppling with a crippling fatigue. Twelve feet, ten feet, eight feet . . . closing steadily.

Every memory, every tear, every sleepless night comes rolling down upon Fayne, wiping the air from her lungs in one foul strike.

He's still so tall, towering at least a foot over Fayne's 5ft 3 inch frame. He is clothed in night black, a queer metallic helmet concealing his face.

The darkness rolls off of him in oceans. Sickly, rotting, all-consuming, that is what's it feels like. But there is also a shade, a beckoning glow. Like a soft ripple of lavender in a cold dark place. It is light. And it has survived 3 years of evil.

As he removes his helmet, Fayne's heart shatters. He has barely changed. As he approaches her, his eyes burn with unspoken pleas. A deep desperation so intense it is if the desire has come from Fayne herself. He looks weary and . . . hopeful.

"Fayne . . ."

Fayne Dae bursts into tears. This loss has been festering too long. Every day for 3 years, she has seen him. In frightful waking moments, in the loneliness of the night. And now he is here, and she doesn't know what to do.

"I've missed you so much," he breathes and as she meets his gaze, she sees her heart wrenching loneliness reflected in his soul. He does not cry, but the loss is there. "My beautiful Fayne . . ."

His hand touches her face and she grips it, pressing his cold fingers to her warm skin. His touch is like a bolt of electricity, bursting through every pore, awakening every nerve, How many nights has she hungered for that touch?

"And I you, my dear," she whispers softly.

"Then . . ." he hesitates. "Then forgive me. Please forgive me beloved. I'd never hurt you."

"Forgive you for . . ."

The shadow of a gloved hand passes over her head. The world spins and the last words she hears are a final plea, "Forgive me Fayne," as he lifts her effortlessly into his arms. Then the world at least, is rife with silence.

 **Yay or nay? I had trouble writing this chapter! Please tell me what you think of how I have written Kylo so far! Thank you everyone!**


	7. Chapter 7 - Forgive Me

**Woo! Two uploads in a day! I am on fire! I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday! Please review and tell me how you think I am doing!**

 **Review Responses**

 **All-Things-Fandom-101 - Thank you ever so much my friend. I was a bit squeamish about this chapter but your review was honestly so encouraging and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to do so. Much appreciated.**

 **PushToShove - Oh sorry to hear that! Still, thank you for being honest. I hope you like this one more my friend! Feel free to let me know.**

 **IronicallyIconic - Ah I understand what you mean. Unfortunately I wanted to keep Fayne's story moving, not getting too hung up on the death of her friend. I think my point is even though she is in a lot of upset, her anger is now driving her forward. She doesn't want to get slowed down by her personal upset. Alas thank you for taking the time to review! I always appreciate input.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1 - So glad you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think of this one!**

The sun rises . . . the sun rises. And when the sun rises, light comes down again. And recollections, something . . .

She is floating. In a heaven far from home . . . pure light for miles, her body feels so heavy, yet so light at the same time. Here it is soft and warm and . . . _safe._ Unlike . . .

Fayne Dae opens her eyes. Unlike this world. But everything must come down from the heavens eventually. It is the law of nature. Down, where there are battles to fight, and loads to bear, and wounds to heal from.

She is lying on a soft surface, is that . . . cotton? Her sheets at home were always cotton. The sheets are linen. Ah, that smell. So fresh and clean. A sensation in her left hand, like a grip draws her attention.

His head is lying on her stomach, rising and falling with the steady breath of her resting body.

A great sadness overtakes Fayne in this moment. He has been crying and her heart weeps for his suffering. Any suffering. Fayne takes no pleasure in pain. Not when to often she has been under the force of it. Ben looks exhausted. A hollow man barely hanging on. She has forgotten what it feels like to be so close to the man she loves. She is familiar with the bitter recoil of fear, and the crushing choke of panic. Not love, except for in the company of Elle. Not this warm feeling.

And she does love him. She ponders it now. Love really does never die. She has not seen him in three years. But she does not want to let this man cease to be a part of her life. That would truly break her.

Fayne vowed to love him, to give the best of everything she was to make him the best that he could be. Fayne Dae broke that vow. Three years, six months and seventeen days ago, when she left in the middle of the night and fled from her husband.

And yes, she was frightened and all dreams of a brighter tomorrow were long since gone. But he paid for her failure to see hope. And that was not fair. But when you fail, you attempt it again. And you stand your ground. And perhaps, maybe you hit it the dirt a few times. But you rise. And you conquer. And then you win.

She makes a silent pact with herself. If she has to die trying, she will conquer this darkness. She will save Ben Solo. Because he does not deserve the heartache that the Dark Side will inevitably bring. And to achieve this aspiration, she has to stay. No war was ever easy.

"Ben . . ." she whispers.

His eyes flutter open, startling her and she forces a smile. Her long fingers run through his thick hair. She used to play with his hair all the time. For a moment, they just watch each other.

Her deep dark eyes locked on to his shadowy orbs. The woman and the man. The wife and the husband. The radiating light and the all-consuming dark.

"I'm so sorry," the man says. He rises to his full height, a towering angel of the dark. "I had to talk to you and you would never have come with me willingly."

"I'm done running from you."

He raises an eyebrow, cocking his head in barely veiled surprise. "Well, this is going well . . ."

Bless. Her doll face lights up as she bursts into a grin.

"You were always so hilarious," she chuckles. "But it's really not important to me. I know why you did it. And . . . I need your forgiveness . . ."

"You have it." He is next to her in moments, his cool hands gently stroking her neck. In the early days, when Fayne had to leave the Resistance to stay with Ben, she got depressed. Crying often, and always in secret. Until he found her in the bathroom, a heaving wreck, and held her, just like this, until she had cried herself out and sleep had taken her.

"No my friend," she ponders, her wet eyes falling to the ground.

A seared conscience is a burden that will not let up night or day. It exists in every waking moment, the god to excuse or the devil to accuse. Fayne abandoned him. And she has learnt since the day she could see, running is cowardice.

"I abandoned you . . ."

He lifts her head to his. "Hey, look at me . . ."

Tears bum her eyes yet she swallows them back. No weakness. No pity pleas.

"Fayne, look at me love." His voice rings a little louder, rife with urgency and rich with warmth.

With red eyes, she lets her head drops forwards to rest on his forehead.

"Calm down dear Fayne, calm down. I can sense your pain. It's crushing you . . . and it's hurting me."

His words make her gasp. Like a parched soul wandering in the desert, it as if she is in a cool oasis, a hiding place from the harsh heat. He's still in there,

"I forgive you Fayne."

All this time, Fayne thought that it was Ben that was the victim. That Ben was the one with that thorn in the flesh. That thirst for evil.

Fayne was wrong. It was all her. She broke the most sacred oath she had ever made. And this man dismissed her failure as if it was as far off as sunrise from sunset. _She_ is the unworthy one. The one with the treacherous heart. The one not good enough to save him. But that must change. She can be better, because _everyone_ can be better.

"Everything I have done love, I have done _for you."_

The impact does not strike immediately. There's a prod . . . but it is ignored. Nothing matters now. She knows one thing and it takes complete priority. She has been half a person for the past 3 years. Three horrible years. And now in this night, two souls once lost, bind and become whole.

 **What do you think? Please tell me how you think I did Kylo! Thanks everyone!**


	8. Chapter 8 - The Dream

**Thank you so much for all the love guys! I never forget it! Please review! And thanks for all the favourites!**

 **Review Responses -**

 **PushToShove - Precisely! It is sort of like Anakin and Padme where Anakin is only his real self around her. All the other times around the Jedi and the Chancellor, just wearing a mask! Thanks for reviewing!**

 **All-Things-Fandom-101 - Ah! Thank you my friend! I am thankful for you are enjoying it! I will try to keep on doing my best!**

 **Marina22 - Thank you so much! That means the world to me! I have had several comments stating that they do not particularly like how I am doing Kylo but I am glad you like it! It's how I perceive he would be! Thank you for your kind words.**

 **TheRealTayler13 - Thank you! This is your first review I believe! Thank you for taking the time to encourage me!**

 **Guest (Meif'wa Shadow Knight) - Made my day. Appreciate your kind words. People like you keep me writing! Thank you.**

 **MrsDanielleHerondale - Thank you! I am so glad you think so! I am trying to make their personalities compliment each other! Please review this chapter as I would be so appreciative to hear what you think!**

 **Guest - Will do! Thanks for reviewing!**

 **dEnIsE tHe StRaNgE (for the previous chapter) - As always your reviews warm my heart! I do think I am trying to portray Ben as lonely. As inevitably, without his wife, he doesn't really have any other family so he must be! As always, much appreciated my friend.**

 **Thanks everybody! Please tell me what you think of the cliffhanger!**

At first, the dreams were sweet. Rich and flowing, abundant with recollections of a time when life was simpler. When the world was a world of play and the future was a realm of untold possibility . . .

 ** _In the dream . . ._**

 _"You look awful."_

 _Fayne looks up with a huff, ready to pounce like some sort of spring wound too tightly. She has a right to this. Maybe she is not some illustrious Senator, swimming in millions of credits, with every citizen willing to lick the dust of their polished boots. Maybe she is just a person, like any of the trillions of people in the Galaxy. But she liked to think she had a choice. And now even that has been taken from her . . ._

 _In the darkness of the common room, Fayne whispers out softly. "Who's that?"_

 _The voice giggles. From the light of the tiny candle, a small figure crawls out from under the Great Chair. A Togruta?_

 _Fayne was always weary of other species. The power hungry Hutts. The war hungry Mandalorians. She was not raised around them and as she would always whisper to Leia, they just look "strange"._

 _But this little girl must be an angel. She's gorgeous, with glimmering auburn skin and facial pigments as white as the snow outside. Tiny head tails as vibrant as a blue topaz and coloured braids around her hands. A baby angel!_

 _"I'm Elle," the little Togruta says quietly. "Who are you? And a name doesn't count!"_

 _Fayne Dae sighs. Ben has already been approved. And only as a teenager! Now it's Fayne Dae's turn to leave her home. To train with Master Skywalker for the life she didn't choose. And she does not desire this path._

 _"I am not sure anymore . . ." she breathes. "I know who I was. I know who I am expected to be. But who I am? I'm just a girl with no choices. No way out of a life she doesn't want."_

 _The Togruta pulls herself upright and prances towards Fayne. Ah the freedom of the young mind! There has to be at least five years between them and yet the tiny creature wraps her arms around the tear struck human as if they had known each other an eternity._

 _"I always wanted to be a pilot," Elle confesses, her stormy eyes beaming like tiny torches. A smile breaks out on her golden face. "I can see it now . . ."_

The dream changes. Like anything with a beating heart and a thinking mind, Fayne's mind resists the call of oppression. Her thrashing mind cries out. _Take me back! Take me back home! With Elle. With Elle. Like it was always meant to be forever._

 _Darkness meets her. Darkness always meets her. It's just a matter of when. And then, a bright spot begins to shine. It is small at first. No more than a pinhead._

 _Until in a split second. a figure emerges from the light. A . . . man? Dressed in long brown robes,_ _ **Jedi**_ _like Master Skywalker wore. He is old yet the numbers do not define him. He is not borne down by the passage of time, a dreaming mind in a dying vessel. He just looks . . . troubled. And sorrowful._

 _"Do not be afraid Fayne Dae," the man says. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi and I have come to give you a very important message."_

 _What horrible deeds have these pained eyes beheld that his entire frame should droop as if the Galaxy itself weighs on his shoulders._

 _"Now I know I am dreaming . . ." She must be. Obi-Wan Kenobi is dead. Long dead. In her studies with Master Skywalker, she learnt of him. Of the horrible things he saw, and the sacrifice he made when he was slaughtered by a rogue Jedi, Ben's grandfather Anakin Skywalker._

 _"It is true Fayne, but there is no time to set your doubts to rest," Kenobi echoes. " I would not cross into dreams if I had a choice. But upon you rests the fate of trillions. Especially since . . ."_

 _As the old being trails off, lost in thought, a cold sickly silence presses in and with it, a biting wind, an unearthly chill that slithers along Fayne's flesh and causes her dream self to gasp. This state is not natural._

 _"Kylo Ren is nearly an agent of darkness," Kenobi continues. "It is nearly time. You know this Fayne. You can sense the evil in him."_

 _She opens her mouth to protest but the man raises a hand and her voice fails her._

 _"Please search your heart child," Kenobi pleads. "I do not have a lot of time. It is not safe for the living to consort with the dead for too long. But you have only seen the warmth of your husband. You have not beheld him in a blood thirsty haze. You have not seen the horrors he unleashes . . ."_

 _She knows. Of course Fayne knows. Sometimes a truth must be denied. It is too painful to dig up a memory. To dig up a painful memory is to surrender to it. And then you will be living in waking terror all over again. But she is not stupid. It is just that, in the moment she believes that Ben Solo is beyond redemption . . . oh it will be a cruel moment, a dark day. It is the day that it becomes so._

 _"I have seen it Master Jedi." Her voice rings with power in the large open space. It is the voice of a soul who has hit dirt, rolled in the mire and come right back up again. It is the voice of a woman with so much love left to give, a woman who sees only now that her days of hiding are over. It is the voice of Fayne Dae in all her glorious imperfection, shining with courage._

 _"Then you know that you keep him human," Kenobi confers. "He has committed every atrocity, slaughtered thousands, crossed the boundaries of space and time, searching. All for you. You are his_ _ **anchor.**_ _And this power, he is constantly seeking it. Because he believes it is the only way to protect you. That is why I came. Only you can save him."_

 _The ultimate obstacle. The words hit home. She has no choice. There is no time for hesitation. She failed Kylo Ren. And she still regrets her choice. But this is no longer a game. And time is running out. She steps up . . . or no one does. She cannot give up again._

 _"I know."_

 _"You grasp the idea child, but you do not_ _ **see.**_ _Not truly. You will be tested. If you leave his side, even for a moment, the man you know as Ben Solo will cease to exist. Understand Fayne, his inner conflict is because of you. His fight against the darkness only exists because of you. If you leave, Kylo Ren will be unleashed. If that happens, the Supreme Commander will complete his training . . . and everyone you love will die."_

 _He is still withdrawn. The classic symptoms. His pale eyes continuously darting around, watching, glancing anywhere except her face. You cannot look into someone's eyes, not someone smart, and_ _ **lie.**_

 _"Master Jedi, deceive me no longer!" she demands. "Tell me the truth and the whole truth! I deserve that, at the very least!"_

 _"I do not deceive you Fayne Dae," Kenobi speaks. "I only wish that you had seen it. Had your training been completed, you would have detected the life even as it began to stir within you . . ."_

 _A new life? A new life . . . a baby. Fayne Dae is pregnant._

 ** _Reviews please! Hope you liked it!_**


	9. Chapter 9 - I Don't Know You Anymore

_I'm so sorry I've accidentally deleted most of my reviews! I did read them all and I am so grateful for all the love! I almost discontinued this story but I will try to finish! Just to clarify, when I said in the last chapter about two souls becoming whole, I meant_ _ **they had sex.**_ _Ok! So now that's sorted! Please review and give me some help to continue it! I will try to respond to the next set of reviews! Thank you everyone._

The world has ground to a halt. As she awakens, it is still dark and her body still tingles as she recalls the passionate events of the previous night. So soon. It's not fair. To have a plan. Faye had a plan and that plan was to wait it out. To stay with Ben. But it changes now. It is not hard to risk her own life. But to risk the life of her child. No. This changes everything.

Cool lips press on her shoulder and she gasps. The tears are threatening to tumble down but she blinks them away. Save them Fayne. There is much more suffering to come.

"I love you," Ben whispers. His warm hands soothe the icy chill spreading along her arms. This is where doubt seeps in. She wasn't looking for it before. But the most contagious disease is an idea. The idea is there. That Kylo Ren is irredeemable. That he cannot be saved.

Yet the darkness is there. Like the foul taste of bile in the throat, it will not go away and it is at her core. It is attacking the foundations.

"I love you too dear," she whispers, reaching up to grip his hand. She squeezes it. She wants to remember every detail. How their fingers fit perfectly, the massive scar on his palm from when he took a knife for her in the Outer Rim. Never forget this moment. When there was nothing in the world but Fayne and her best friend, her husband and now the father of her child. Things will not be so simple forever.

"Tell me I can trust you," she says quietly, closing her eyes.

She senses his hesitation. "What?"

She turns over in the bed to face him. "Can I trust you?"

Nothing is said for a few moments. He's trying to work her out. She can see it in the way his gaze never leaves hers. The cogs are turning behind those eyes.

"Did I not make a vow to you?" Ben asks. "To love you unconditionally, to serve yo with everything that I am . . ."

"A promise that I also made," Fayne responds. "So tell me Ben. Do you regret it?"

He looks like she's just slapped him. "Never."

"But with all your power . . ."

"Is nothing without someone to share it with," Ben concludes. "You can trust me Love."

Is she crazy? Is she a physcopath for loving this man? In the early days of their marriage, Fayne thought so. She had horrible dreams, visions. Bodies lying in the snow, as the Knights of Ren cut down hundreds. The elderly, the infirm . . . children? She never saw. But the suspicion never left her mind. There is more to this than her desires, than her affections. And as much as she hopes that Ben's heart is still good, if she is wrong . . . no. She cannot tell him. And that means that for the first time in ten years, her heart is flying away from her soul mate. Away from him. Maybe it is for the best.

"Would you ever hurt me?" Fayne asks. We need courage, courage to ask questions and hear answers that we don't want to know.

"No!"

Both of them jump slightly as his loud shout echoes through the lonely room.

"No Fayne, never!" He's taking her hands now, drawing her gaze with pleading eyes and soft kisses over her clammy hands. Maybe he doubts her. Maybe he doubts himself. But her apprehension is filling her up so quickly that it as if she is drowning in quick sand. Is this man evil? Does he love her as he swore to? Or is Fayne about to lose someone else she loves? She can't take that chance. She has to make him answer the question that she has been asking herself since the beginning.

"You don't understand what you mean to me do you? You are the only one who has ever stood by me, the only person that ever believed I Could be something better . . ."

"Then why am I different?!" she spits, shoving her husband away. It has been too long. This was always at the centre. She cannot deny thistle truth any longer. If he cannot see this, then Ben Solo really is gone. Then the world will fall away for Fayne Dae.

"You murdered hundreds of people . . ." Even as she is speaking, his eyes for once, do not rise to hers. They stay steadfast, fixed to the ground, his head hanging like a man lined up for execution

"Sons, wives, children!"

And then his eyes do not meet hers. And she sees something . . . something that hits her like a fist to the stomach. Someone that she never dreamed she would see in his eyes. It's darkness. It's anger. And as he rises to his full height and his voice booms through the silence, she has to fight to stand her ground. Not to back away. Even when he comes so close that she can see the shadows swirling in his brown eyes.

"You don't understand Fayne," he hisses. "They are like wheat beneath the chaff, weak and breakable. You asked me what makes you different, that you are strong. From the moment I saw you all those years ago, you have always been strong. That's what makes you different."

"Ah yes," she says, her voice dipping into a deep octave. "Only the strong will survive and other choices that you do not have the right to make."

"I have the only right Fayne!" he yells, pointing a finger at her face.

She starts. Even as the absence of sound descends, the discomfort of his shout is still fresh. It is a wound that should never have been inflicted. And now the cut has been made. And it cannot be closed. It is the first awakening. And the first warning to Fayne that this man, though the object of her heart, is not an angel.

"No. You only deceive yourself into thinking you do. Trust you? I don't even know who you are anymore. Ben Solo . . ."

"Is dead. A weak man of submission. I am Kylo Ren."

"Funny. Because I don't remember marrying him."

He lowers his hands. His unfaltering eyes scan her body and he curses under his breath, a massive sigh escaping him. "I won't lose you. You don't understand now. You're tense, like you're expecting me to hurt you even when you know I wouldn't lay a finger on you in anger. You don't see that I'm right. But soon you will. When I have taken full control."


	10. Chapter 10 - The Truth

**_Just a short chapter today guys! Hope everyone is well!_**

 ** _Review Responses -_**

 ** _MrsDanielleHerondale - I know right? I am still trying to explore it because I think Fayne can never really have a future with Kylo Ren unless he changes. So we'like see! Thanks so much for the review!_**

 ** _dEnIsE tHe StRaNgE - I completely agree! And therein lies the problem! They both have such strong wills! Who's is stronger? Thanks so much for the review!_**

 ** _sarahmichellegellarfan1 - Glad you like it! Thanks so much for the encouragement!_**

 ** _AlcoholicPony - Thanks so much! A very constructive review which is much appreciated! I do agree. I think I wanted to convey how Fayne loved him for so many years but not truly believing that he does have a dark side that she can't see! And I am starting in the wake up call! Thanks again!_**

 ** _Hey(Guest) - Thanks for all the ideas! I will certainly think about it! Thanks for the review!_**

 ** _Guest - I'm assuming this means you like it? Just kidding! Well here it is! Hope you enjoy it!_**

Sere plant and Norne fish. What a delicacy. So many times in the past, even on beautiful planets like Naboo where the waterfalls were abundant and the foliage was thick and vibrant, such delicacies were rare. They were hard to catch and reserved only for the wealthiest. And yet here sits Fayne Dae, the little nobody with no family and no friends, the woman with no stature in society, feasting like a Queen.

The sere plant is sweet and crispy as Fayne bites into the thick tube. The fish has been grilled, not boiled and seasoned with loads of lemon juice. It's Fayne's favourite meal. But Fayne knows that every meal must end. That is why solace cannot be found in food. Fayne begins to think, not even in people. They wear the mask they need to wear to be accepted. Yet when their disguise is stripped away, they show their true colours. Just like he showed his true colours.

Is she wrong? To make a choice to leave? Can she abandon him again even despite his own betrayal? In her studies as a child, she learnt that Darth Vader himself had slaughtered children in the early days. But he came back. He saw light again. Maybe if not for the child, Fayne would have stayed. And she would have triumphed because you only need a pinhead of light to shine through an ocean of darkness. But Fayne is going to be a mother. To a being that never asked to be brought into this cold calculating world. This child cannot be born into the First Order. It is not a risk that Fayne dares to take.

Elle. Dear Elle. She would know what to say. How to ease Fayne's suffering. Elle was home. Once, she thought Ren was home. But she was wrong. He has done so much more than forsake her. He has forsaken himself. And that cannot be forgotten . . .

"Is it true?!"

Kylo Ren storms into the room. The emotions on his face are so powerful that Fayne does not dare to speak. He cannot know. He cannot know. To know is to have power. He would try to stop her. Try to keep her here.

Carefully, she lays down her cutlery and rises from the seat.

"Is what true?" she asks. Feign ignorance. Feign it as long as you can.

"Woman!" He snarls gritting his teeth, his eyes fixed on his wife. "Do not test me. The truth, wife!"

"Or what?!" She spits, stalking up to him. The tension is so thick it could not be cut with a light sabre. Two souls, equal wills, matched in power. The collateral damage when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object. And Fayne is free of this unconditional love. Of this worshipping a mere man. She is not wax. She is not mouldable. And now he will see that this game is deadly, because she knows the rules too.

"What are you going to kill me now, husband?"

Her confidence falters as she sees the look on her husband's face. It as if someone has poked him and all the simmering rage is leaking out, out of his shoulders, out of his hands, out of his eyes. Now he just looks . . . ashamed.

"I would never kill you Fayne," he says quietly. "No matter how cruel you think I am, I am not so evil that I would cut down the only woman I have ever cherished. And I ask your forgiveness for my anger but I will have the truth! Are you pregnant?"

"I . . . yes."

She curses herself silently. Foolish woman! Why? Why could she not resist him? Why could she not make up a little white lie? He knows now! Kylo Ren knows. He'll be too protective to even let her step out of the room. It rules out escape entirely!

Kylo Ren does something then. His eyes light up and his lips twitch and he smiles. Not a tiny timid expression but a beaming grin. Kylo Ren cannot smile like that. It is too beautiful. Too much light. Only Ben Solo smiles like that. And just from that one second, Fayne knows that the man she married is still in there.

"That's wonderful," he grins. "I'm going to be a father . . ."

For a few moments, everything is forgotten. Someone else knows. He pulls his beloved wife into his arms and kisses her. Kisses her wispy hair and her flushed cheeks and her thin fingers and then finally, her mouth. And it is heavenly. And it is memory. A memory that will never come again.


	11. Chapter 11 - Seduction

_**I am so super motivated! I have just seen Star Wars for the THIRD time and I am nearly finished this story but not quite yet! So give it some leave please lovelies!**_

 ** _Review Responses -_**

 ** _booklover1798 - Thank you ever so much my friend! I really do love your encouragement! Thank you it means the world. I will try to finish this story._**

 ** _Willow tuft - Glad you liked it!_**

 ** _AlcoholicPony - Beautiful review! Very helpful! Me too. I am trying to portray how difficult it is for Fayne to make this choice! Thank_** _you_ ** _for your encouragement!_**

 ** _bluegreenred123 - A very good question! Commander Snoke told him. He's the only other one who know about the baby. Thank you for the lovely review! People like you help me keep writing._**

 ** _Guest - Wow! One of the best? I am very flattered! Thank you so much my friend! Now I have to keep writing it!_**

 ** _Without further ado . . ._**

It has been three days. And she was right. All chances of escape are cut off.

There are two guards outside their room, forbidden to speak to her, as she was not so politely informed. And Kylo Ren is here frequently. Water? Food? Sleep? Anything and everything which Fayne gracefully accepts.

Some people can put on a facade. They can juggle identities with ease and switch faces as easily as they switch clothes. Fayne feels heavier than ever before. This pain. This numbness inside of her and the crying she fights to withhold because then he will ask her why she cries. Why she hurts so that he might take it away. And Fayne will have to lie. Because then he would know that his wife's soul no longer lives for him.

It comes in the night. That voice. The voice. But it has changed. Once, it was just a thought in her head, far away. Now it is closer. It is like a poke in the eye. It hurts and it cannot be ignored. It is clouding her vision.

Perhaps if sleep had taken her, the night would not be so long and drawn out. As she lies in their bed, her husband's arms cradling her back, their legs entwined as her head rests on his chest, she is barred from the Doors of Sleep. The mind will not quiet this time.

Follow Fayne Dae. Follow your heart.

The sheets peel off her body. If she was thinking clearly, perhaps she would have realised. She is using the Force again. But it is not a pure and natural light this time. This time it is self pleasure and darkness and the bitter after taste of evil. Follow the heart. But the heart is easy to deceive. And even as she leaves the bed, her husband deep in sleep, and leaves the room, something inside her will not stop shouting. Something is wrong.

The ship is silent. There should be hundreds of troopers and officers all around. Yet there is no one.

Every corridor is black and filled with shadows. Yet the path is clear. She turns left. And then right. Turning. Turning. Until she reaches a door. This door is different.

It stands twelve feet tall, a smooth black wood with strange silver markings. Markings from her memories with Skywalker . . .

Open the door, the voice says. Let us speak. Let us find your heart once more . . .

She does want to find her heart. To find light again. She opens the door and an icy cold hits her.

Darkness. And not like before. Not just the absence of light. It's universal opposite completely. This is so much more. It as if it is smothering the breath from her lungs, a damp clutch clotting her breath. But how sweet it is. Completely in control, without limit or restraint.

"Now you see the lure of the darkness."

Fayne jumps. That voice is not in her head. It is real. It is . . . behind her!

Biting down the urge to run, Fayne Dae turns around. The sight that meets her eyes is enough to kill her on the spot.

A massive creature, towering like a hurricane over her. It bears no resemblance to a human, it's flesh is gnarled and devoid of colour. But that is not what frightens her. It's the eyes. It is as if she is peering deep into its skull, deep, dark orbs with no iris, no emotion, nothing to betray any sign of life. And yet whatever it is, it is alive. Because it is staring right at her. And every word perishes on her tongue. Every order, every abomination done to every person, the dead beyond her comprehension. They all started here. With this bastard. It's Supreme Commander Snoke. The voice. Even though the blue glow lets her know he is a hologram, his mere knowledge of her presence is enough to unnerve her.

"I have waited an eternity to meet you," he rasps, his unearthly gaze pinning her to the spot. "Even in your dreams you would resist me but now . . . now your mind is almost mine."

The spirit rushes into her once more. A pawn? Like Kylo Ren? Who would forsake himself and his wife and his family for the sweet lure of power? No. That is not her fate. It cannot be.

"Never."

"Fayne Dae, let us agree to be honest with one another," he booms. His chilling voice echoes throughout the enormous chamber. It is at her back, behind her ears, flooding her senses.

"The odds are not in your favour little child," Snoke remarks placidly. Damn him. Sitting there so calmly, as if Time itself would halt at his command. While Fayne's clock is forever ticking, forever wasting away. "You cannot hide your baby from the First Order."

Fear freezes people. Fear stops action. The Force. She is hanging from it by a thread. Tuning in, as if an unbreakable cord is wrapped around her, grounding her, tying her to the trillions of souls in the Galaxy, to the midi chlorians . . . to the force of life. And by this faith, she presses back her horror. Horror cannot save her. Cannot save her baby. Only a strong heart can do that. Remember what happened to Ben.

"I can try," she growls.

For the first time since she has entered, she raises her eyes and meets the unholy gaze. It is not her destiny to cower to this monster.

And it seems to have some effect. He is not human, not at all, but the slightest look of surprise crosses his face.

"You are strong Fayne Dae," he hisses. "Stronger than even I have anticipated. There are few who can speak when I do not will it. But you are no fool. You have seen the crippled Republic, and the majesty of the First Order. No matter how much you deny your heart little girl, the truth is still at your centre. You have seen it. This galaxy is a disordered and ugly place . . ."

"Full of disordered and ugly people," Fayne spits.

"The latter perhaps. But even in the boundaries of the so-called 'moral' Republic, there is corruption. Senators who injure the very people they have sworn to protect, child trafficking, prostitution, murders . . ."

"Get to the point Supreme Commander Snoke." His very name tastes filthy in her throat. And his words seem to get louder. She knows she shouldn't listen. Shouldn't let him get inside her head but she wants it. Goodness how she wants to give in to the lust for freedom that stirs within her.

"Fiery. I can see why he worships you so. And your fire is why I called you. The First Order brings organisation, law, fairness for every citizen. Everything that you know the Republic has failed to provide."

"So slaughtering children is fair?"

He waves a casual hand and shakes his distorted head. The entire movement is unnatural. Like he's trying to imitate a human expression and can't quite do it. "Only because of what they would grow up to be. It gives me no pleasure to issue the order. But they would only grow up to be like their parents. Weak. Unambitious . . . pathetic."

And he must be right. Fayne was born into the Republic. When she was five years old, Senator Janus was removed from office for sex abuse on children, when she was eight, she witnessed a murder, when she was 12, Ben almost died protecting her from Slave Traders. The Republic was rife with immorality. It was just that beneath the pearly buildings and golden Suns, were dirty things that no one dared to look at. Can it be fixed? Everything is done for a reason. So at the very least, she shouldn't at least try to find out the truth?

"Join the First Order Fayne Dae. Together, we can save the Galaxy, and your unborn child."

 ** _PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks everyone!_**


	12. Chapter 12 - Murderer

_**Greetings all! I hope everyone is happy and good! Firstly, I wanted to thank each and every reader I have, even those who don't review, without you guys I would never keep writing so thank you all! And secondly, for any Arrow fans, I was planning a Slade Wilson Fanfiction, romance, original character. Would anyone be interested? Thank you.**_

 _ **Review responses -**_

 ** _Guest - First review for this chapter! Awesome! Thank you ever so much! I am most pleased to hear you like it! Please tell me what you think of this one!_**

 ** _AlcoholicPony - No actually my friend! Thank you! I actually did not notice that! Ok so it's Supreme Leader! Thank you so much for your clarification and the kind words! Will remember that from now on! I will be sad once this story is over too! Have very much enjoyed writing it._**

 ** _harrishawksuperiour - I am glad you think so! Thank you truly for the kind words! I am very grateful!_**

 ** _PushToShove - What a compliment! Thank you my friend! Your kind reviews keep my writing alive!_**

 ** _Terru - Thank you! A very helpful review! I am glad I depicted her struggles, I really wanted it to come across how difficult it was for Fayme to make a choice! And the Disney compliment! Wow! I could only dream! Very kind of you. Thanks!_**

 ** _alpha wolfstar - Please do! Thanks for the review! Means the world. My eyes light up whenever I see a new review! Thanks!_**

Weighed down with exhaustion. Swimming in confusion. Aching with a conflict.

She awakens in their bed. It is still too dark to see. It is all just as she remembered, with one exception. Her heavy heart, like a cannonball is sitting in her chest and she can't cough it up. And her husband isn't in the bed. Something feels wrong.

Because she said yes. Yes. I will join you. Yes. I will join the First Order but really, it was yes, she has to taste this new dish. Because if Snoke is right, Fayne will gain her husband and their baby. And they can be a family.

Order. Does it bring order? Does it bring an end to the trials and tribulations that Fayne has had to endure for the past years? Can it end the widespread corruption and cruelty that runs rampant throughout the Galaxy? Because if it can, it will be worth it ten times over. To save the children. And the old and the frail. Those who cannot fight for themselves.

And yet, it as if she is still half asleep, in a haze. There is something she is forgetting. A memory fighting to break free, but unable to do so. Something doesn't feel right. In fact it feels so wrong that it is beginning to feel unbearable to exist in her own skin. And she wants it to go away. But she can't. It is important that she sees this through to the end. Is the First Order the problem as she has been raised to believe, or is it the solution that she has never seen?

And this room. This damn room. It's so plain. With perfect white walls and snowy cotton sheets. Black and white. Those are the only colours in this room. It's driving her mad. Being coupled up in here. Air. She needs air. She needs to feel the heat of the Sun touch her face and the gentle tweets of birds singing and the smell of grass in the Spring. This room is devoid of life.

She stumbles towards the door and activates the open key.

As predicted, the two Stormtroopers have not moved. Her guards. Why does she need guards on board her own husband's ship? She hadn't thought about it before now. Is it to stop someone getting in, or to stop her getting out?

"I want to take a walk."

The one on the left answers in a mechanical voice. "Sorry Miss. We have orders not to let you out of this room."

Her thin eyebrows narrow. "Orders from whom? Why?"

"Lord Ren Miss Dae," the Stormtroopers responds. "We're under strict orders not to let anyone in or you out."

As he is speaking, footfalls echo along the corridors. Squads of Stormtroopers sprint around the corridors, their blasters drawn. Alarms ring out through the ship, red lights beaming on and off, on and off. Perhaps not the best time to go for a walk. But the thought of going back into that room, that sealed off space with the white and the black and the silence, when outside is full of life . . . no. There is a pull. Like a little tug. And it's calling her out of the room. She is only too happy to follow. But first, an obstacle must be removed.

"You will leave your posts and report to reconditioning." The power is there. As natural as breathing. This time,the apprehension is silent.

"We will leave our posts and report to reconditioning."

Fayne smirks as the guards stand to attention and leave their posts. The pull tugs a little more. What will she see? Where must she go? Whatever it is, it is the will of the Force. Something must be seen. Or there is something she must know. Follow the pull.

And she does. Walking as if she has lived here all her life. A few passing Stormtroopers shoot her curious glances but no one prevents her from walking. It as if she is in a dream. And as an ugly cold sensation settles on her heart like rotting food, she is hit with a painful understanding. She cannot join the First Order. It felt different. Then it felt strange. And in the space of only a few hours, it feels wrong. An affront to everything that she is, everything she fought for, everything she believes in. And this pull is not letting up.

Getting close. There is a platform up ahead and . . . a girl with a dark man. The girl looks very familiar. As she sprints closer, the dark curly hair brings back memories . . . Rey? The pull intensifies. Closer. The girl screams "No!" Now she has to know. And she runs.

Up to the platform. Past Rey. And her eyes lock with his. With Kylo Ren. As he pulls his blazing light sabre out of Han Solo. Out of his father, and Fayne's friend. And the man touches his son's face one last time before tumbling over the railing, hundreds of feet to certain death. And her foolishness crushes down on he with such force that the breath is whipped from her lungs as she begins to scream.

And then he looks up. And he meets her eyes. And she sees absolutely nothing of Ben Solo. The man who has just slaughtered her friend in cold blood, is not the man she knew. He is a monster.

And when he speaks, the growl in his voice reflects her worst fears. "Fayne . . ."

A blast comes from nowhere. She sees him yell and clutch his stomach. He goes down. But the light of life is still burning. He's not gone. The world comes back into focus.

It is Rey. And the man. She doesn't ask what they're doing aboard the ship. She doesn't care. Only one thought. Ben is gone. He has crossed the ultimate line. The uncross able line. There is no coming back. Not to her. Not to anyone who has morality still in their heart.

The next thing she knows, Rey's hand is gripping hers, yet again. Something about bombs. And got to get out. Super charged weapon. She's stumbling and weeping at the same time. Because the shock is so fresh and the world is so heavy, and she's just not sure she can do this anymore.

"This is Finn!" Rey shouts, tugging Fayne along. "He's going to help us!"

Finn. The man. Going to help them. The tears are beginning to freeze and Fayne sees her icy breath drift into the night air. They are outside. The snow high on the ground, the dark trees looming alongside them as they run. It's cold. The world is racing ahead. Then a fiery red light cuts through the silence and the dark forest.

Her eyes adjust. And when they do, she wishes she had never left the ship in the first place. The murderer. The monster. Kylo Ren. Standing there like a demon from the other world, blocking their path. His black eyes locked like burning charcoal on her. He's here.


	13. Chapter 13 - I Won't Fight You

They are there, all of them. Rey and this man Finn. But it's like they are not even there. It's like there is only Kylo and Fayne, and 2 obstacles who are about to moved out of the way. Rey is holding Finn back, gripping his arm, holding him back. Not like it would make much difference.

The icy snow crushes Fayne's bare feet, cutting into her tiny toes. Tall spindly branches loom overhead and there is no light except the blood red of the light sabre before them. Mocking them. Walk towards the light, and die.

"Fay . . ."

Blood drips onto the crystal snow as he beats his fist against his stomach. Like an animal. He's an animal.

"We can still be together . . ." he smiles. Yet it does not meet his eyes. It is not a warm expression nor is it a natural one. It's almost like he has to force the light to reach his eyes. And it is in this moment, that something comes back to Fayne.

The memory of a time without Ben. Years and years and years ago. Buried under hours of desperation and longing, hinging on his existence. If he moved, she moved, at his word, she would have climbed a mountain, ran a thousand miles. That was Ben. Her best friend, her lover, her husband. She had hoped, the father of her child. But evil is contagious, blood thirsty hunger for death, that is contagious. The man in the snow is Kylo Ren. Ben Solo is long gone.

"You have lost yourself," she hisses, swallowing back her tears. So weary of being weak, she cannot cry anymore. "But you will not make me lose myself too. Kylo Ren, you have caused me a disgusting amount of pain."

"No, no I never meant to hurt you Fayne."

"And yet that's exactly what you did."

"Then . . ." One last look, of weighted heads and angry eyes. "You're leaving me?"

Can she? Is it time Fayne? Is it time to let this man go his own dark way?

"I am."

He shakes his head, the emotion bursting through his face. "No you're not Fayne. You still love me. I won't let you leave me . . ."

She had forgotten Rey was there. Forgotten either of them were, until she hears the click of the blaster by her ear. And Rey is shouting. At the same moment Kylo Ren raises his hand and yells. And then the girl flies like a rag doll, tossed carelessly as she hits a tree and collides with the biting snow, still. Yet alive. the Force attaches itself to life. And she is still alive.

"Rey!" Finn shouts. He draws something. A cylindrical object but Fayne ignores it as she shoves his hand down. Just a few moments. To tell him this is the end.

Like the Sun rising from the dark of night, the will of the Force is revealed. There is no other way. There is no alternate solution. Every road leads to him. Standing there, blocking her from escape. She has no choice. She must fight Kylo Ren.

She thrusts her hands forward. It is like a magical conduit has opened in her heart and the power flows untapped. But nothing happens. Though her mind focusing, and her spirit is still . . . nothing.

Kylo Ren laughs harshly, the sound grating like metal on glass. "We are bound Fayne Dae! You cannot hurt me anymore than you can harm yourself! And I . . . I cannot hurt you, anymore than I could take this sabre and stab myself through the heart! Do you still doubt that we are meant to be together?"

"I make my own destiny . . ." Fayne retorts. Fists it is. Back to basics.

"You think I'm evil," Ren pants. His entire complexion has changed. The skin is bleached of colour, of life, cold and clammy as he continues to beat the blood from his wound. "You're wrong. I won't fight you. I'll come back for you, when this has been dealt with . . ."

She should have seen it coming. From the second he raises his gloved hands, his burning gaze locked on Finn, she should have sensed it. The heavy head. The drive into her heart. The darkness descends. The last thing she sees as she hits the ground, is a blue light sabre lighting up the forest. And then the colours start to collide.


	14. Epilogue

_**Guys this it! The last chapter of Fayne Dae! I am so grateful to everyone who has followed and favourited and reviewed! I mean it really, thank you to everyone! lease let me know if you would be interested in a sequel and review this epilogue! Thanks everyone!**_

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 ** _harrishawksuperiour - Thank you! I keep writing and it does seem to improve the more I write! Ever so grateful for the review! Thanks._**

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 ** _Meif'wa Shadow Knight - Wow! Loads of reviews! Awesome and thank you! I am so glad you liked it, that's what I try to do! Please tell me what you think of this one and thank you again!_**

Some people say that light and darkness are eternal. They are two opposing forces, ever colliding, ever changing and you cannot have one without the other anymore than you can have day without night. But Fayne doesn't believe that. That's a selfish heart talking, because everyone knows that it is by the light, and the light alone, that life's greatest treasures are revealed.

And there is so much light in this place. At first she was gliding among the heavens. And she could see the whole Galaxy. The deep green, lush fields and the rushing brooks of Naboo, the parched brown dessert of Tatooine, trillions of souls and it was if their life force rushed through only her. Then she came down.

She could smell the soft scent of lavender, a warm wind brushes along her arms. Tall golden sheafs of corn, water so clear it is like liquid crystals. The woods lie out ahead, the trees dancing innocently in the summer air. An entire world just waiting to be explored.

A memory stirs. A memory not long buried. Now emerging. This was the field. The place where she said they would meet again. Her . . . and Elle? Is she dead? Is she finally here? Has she run the race to the finish?

"You're still alive."

A tear washes down her face as she turns. Elle. Dear Elle. Not sickly Elle,the poor soul who lay with tears in her eyes and a ghostly paleness, a prisoner of her sorrow, a shadow of her former self. This is Elle, as Fayne remembers her. As she always deserved to be. Tall and proud, with her beautiful white facial pigments, and her bright stormy eyes and her long graceful head tails. Elle. Elle is gone. So why . . .

"You're dreaming my friend."

Elle takes her hand and Fayne gasps as she watches it sadly. So real. She can feel the roughness of the Palm, the connection of two souls as they lock eyes. So real. As if she is still there.

"I miss you," Fayne whispers. "I'm not the same person anymore . . ."

"And that is good!" Elle smiles, touching her cheek reassuringly. "You have a long road ahead. A difficult road. You had to change, you had to be stronger. My life is such a small price to pay for that!"

"Not to me," Fayne counters. "Not to me. I feel bare, I feel lost! And now I'm about to lose everything!"

"You've become better Fayne," Elle says. Now even her beautiful eyes look sad and downcast. "You were so in love with him, you lived every day for him. It was like you weren't whole. This is special, because it means that now, you can be whole."

She touches a finger to Fayne's heart and it as if the beating of that powerful muscle is singing through the field. "Your heart. Your soul. Your life. Not his. Not anymore. You have a child to take care of Fayne. You have a life to live! You can have what I never could!"

And then she hugs Fayne. And something magical happens. Fayne doesn't cry. Because she is not fragile anymore. Not a little doll with Ben Solo pulling her strings. She made the choice. And she grips her friends arms, savouring every sensation, she realises . . . Elle is right. Fayne can choose to be whole again, to stand on her own two feet. A chapter in Fayne Dae's story is over. But that was just the prologue. Now the real adventure begins.

"You're waking up," Elle sighs, resting her small head on Fayne's. The sun is dimming, the night is falling, the scene is fading. Memories. Of Elle. And the past which gave her the might with which to face the future.

"I love you Elle," Fayne breathes. "I want you back. I want you to see what is coming, I wanted you to share my laughter with me and my tears and my life! Now you never will!"

"But I'm free now Fayne." Elle pulls back and wipes a stray tear from her friends pale face. Her eyes are so gentle, so pleading. Don't look back. Don't let your agony overshadow your excitement. "I'm not in pain anymore! I lived of my life, what I could. Now it's your turn. Promise me you won't waste it!"

Floating. Starting to rise. Out of this dream world. Out of this paradise.

"I promise."

Fayne Dae wakes up.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey guys! I am currently writing a new Kylo story (I'll still write a sequel to Fayne Dae), called the Princess and the Beast! Please check it out and review if you are able! Thank you everyone!


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